I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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