Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
