I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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