girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize