But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
