We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
