Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize