I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
