we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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