We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
