and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
this hospital has no fireball
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
