i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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