If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
