you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
