Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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