i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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