I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
