1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
