i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
