when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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