Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have already put on my inside pants.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
