new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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