Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
