i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
