shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
