I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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