:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
