he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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