Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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