Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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