I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
