did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize