Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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