I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
