i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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