kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize