i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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