my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
