is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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