im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
