Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
