One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
