You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
