I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize