'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
