Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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