shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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