yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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