Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
