I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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