she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
