hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
