i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
