I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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