I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
