Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
