i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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