Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
