about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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