You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
