I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
