now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
